


you've seen my dark side, i left it on the table

by ne0nbible



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27051244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ne0nbible/pseuds/ne0nbible
Summary: According to social media, there’s a party tonight. Rue decides to take her chances and see if she can get another fix there. It’s been several days since winter formal and she can’t think of a better option. Plus, it’s winter break now, so her opportunities to be in a social setting are limited.
Relationships: Rue Bennett/Lexi Howard
Comments: 14
Kudos: 180





	you've seen my dark side, i left it on the table

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote another one set after the finale because my brain is chaotic. I'm done for awhile, I swear.
> 
> ne0nbible.tumblr.com

The morning after winter formal, Rue wakes up and immediately pukes. As she’s throwing up, she begins to register that she’s still in her own room. What’s confusing to her though, is the trash can that was placed next to her bed perfectly. She’s more confused when she feels someone pulling her hair back. Although, she quickly remembers that it can’t be Jules because she just _left_.

After she's finally done getting sick, she gets her answer quickly.

“Are you okay?” Lexi’s voice echoes.

A bottle of water appears in Rue’s vision. She takes it and rolls back over, now fully able to see Lexi sitting on the edge of the bed next to her. She’s still in her dress from the night before, makeup slightly smudged.

Rue shakes her head and takes a sip of water. God, she feels like shit.

“How’d you get in here?” Rue croaks out.

Lexi’s eyes dart around the room for a moment, “I, um, stopped by to see why you left the dance so early. I came in through the window when I saw you were…”

Rue groans. She knows what’s coming.

She can see it all on Lexi’s face; the disappointment, the confusion, the worry, a distinct lack of sleep, and most of all, a deep sadness.

“What happened? You seemed so good.”

“Jules left,” Rue says, like it’s the most obvious thing, “She went to the city and I couldn’t get on the fucking train to go with her.”

“You were going to run away?” Lexi asks in a dejected tone.

Rue nods, before hastily reaching for her phone on the nightstand. There's a missed call from Lexi, but not a single new message.

“She didn’t even text me,” Rue huffs.

“Maybe she’s just there for the weekend,” Lexi tries.

“No, that wasn’t the plan. She’s fucking gone.”

Lexi frowns, “Well, I’m sure you two will work it out. Was it really worth relapsing over?”

“I don’t remember asking for your opinion,” Rue snaps, “I didn’t ask you to be here.”

Lexi looks down and takes a breath. It’s like they are back in the bathroom at school, with Rue being an asshole for no reason other than the fact that she can be. And Lexi will take it.

“I was worried about you. Sorry for making sure you were still breathing all night,” Lexi counters.

“Well, I’m fine, so…” Rue motions towards the door.

She avoids looking at her friend, knowing that Lexi wears her emotions on her sleeve. Lexi stands up. She doesn’t leave yet though, instead she sighs and tries again, “Rue, you could have called me. You can talk to me.”

Rue rolls her eyes, a headache setting in, “I don’t want to talk to you, Lexi. You can’t fix this. You’re not her.”

The air suddenly feels much thicker. Any time Rue thinks she can’t sink much lower, she somehow manages to.

“You’re right,” Lexi says, defeated, “But there are other people in your life who care about you. I know you have a problem, but I’m starting to think that you’re actually just fucking selfish.”

With that, she’s out the door. Rue knows instantly that she was being unnecessarily rude, but she doesn’t care. She feels like shit and her heart is broken. Fuck everyone else.

* * *

According to social media, there’s a party tonight. Rue decides to take her chances and see if she can get another fix there. It’s been several days since winter formal and she can’t think of a better option. Plus, it’s winter break now, so her opportunities to be in a social setting are limited.

By the time she shows up to the house, the event is in full swing. There are people all over and she can hear the bass of the music from the street. She feels a little awkward showing up alone, but it’s not like anyone has been reaching out to her. She assumes that Lexi has shared what went down the other morning with the others. Plus, she reminds herself that she's here for one reason and one reason only.

Rue heads inside and focuses on her mission. First, it’s checking upstairs to find the main bedroom and attached bathroom. She’s rummages through the medicine cabinet but finds nothing useful. The only prescription bottle inside is barely full and doesn’t sound like it’s anything fun. It’s also been expired for five years. God, these people are boring.

Next, she tries the downstairs bathroom but there isn’t a medicine cabinet. Nothing in the drawers or under the sink either. She doesn’t even find any Tylenol.

The world is out to get her tonight.

Rue heads out to the backyard, scanning the crowd for anyone who she thinks might be able to hook her up. Her gaze rests on Fez, who is predictably sitting by the pool.

Of course the one person who absolutely can hook her up tonight, won’t. As shitty as Rue feels right now, she isn’t low enough to ask him again either. She heads in his direction, knowing that her mission has now been blown.

“Hey,” Rue greets, plopping down into the empty chair next to Fez.

Fez nods, “Sup. How you doing?”

“Honestly, not great,” Rue sighs.

“How come?”

“It’s been a shitty week. Jules left and I haven’t heard from her.”

“Damn, where’d she go?” the older guy questions.

"The city.”

Fez shrugs a bit, “Sorry about that. You’ll be okay.”

“Yeah,” Rue lets out dry laugh, “Maybe.”

It’s quiet for a few minutes as they sit and observe the shit show of teenagers around them.

Fez breaks the silence, “You know, one of your other friends hit me up tonight. I only sold her one pill, I hope it wasn’t for you.”

“It wasn’t,” Rue mumbles, wishing it was, “Who?”

“Don’t know her name. The quiet one. Never talked to me before.”

An overwhelming sense of dread fills Rue instantly. She assumed he was going to mention Cassie, or Kat, or Maddy, or literally anyone else.

“Wait, Lexi?”

Fez shrugs, “If she’s the one that dressed up like that old dude on Halloween, then yeah.”

Rue knows that she’s a total hypocrite for immediately becoming pissed off, but this is Lexi. The one person, besides her family, who Rue has always seen as inherently good. Stable. Smart. Someone who has a future. The opposite of a fuck-up like a Rue. She knows that she’s treated her like shit in the past but she never had to worry about it much because Lexi was always going to make it out of here. She never thought in a million years Lexi would buy something off Fez, or do anything reckless for that matter.

Lexi has her entire life ahead of her. One that probably doesn’t include Rue but includes great things instead.

So yeah, Rue’s pissed.

“Why the fuck did you do that?” she snaps.

Fez looks surprised and confused by her sudden outburst, “It’s just business.”

Rue knows he’s right. Her friends make their own decisions. Fez has to make money. This is a part of life. It may not be his fault but it’s still fucked up. She tries to take it down a notch.

“I know, okay. Just don’t sell her anything else.”

“Rue..”

“I’m fucking serious, Fez. Not her. Okay? Just not her.” Rue’s getting a little emotional now, surprising even herself.

It’s ironic and she knows it.

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Fez answers but Rue is already out of her chair, heading back inside.

* * *

The first person Rue runs into as she makes her way through the house is Kat.

“Where’s Lexi?” Rue practically yells in the other girl’s face.

“Hello to you too,” Kat says, stepping back slightly, “She’s out there.”

Kat motions to the crowd of people dancing in the living room.

“And you don’t find that weird?” Rue questions aggressively.

Kat’s eyes narrow and Rue gets the distinct feeling that the other girl is on ‘Team Lexi’ right now.

“Relax, dude. She’s been having a rough time. She just wanted to let loose for once,” Kat spits out.

Before Rue can ask what she means by ‘rough time’, she sees some dude getting handsy with her friend on the dance floor.

And yeah like, Rue should probably be supportive of all of this. Lexi coming out of her shell and engaging in typical teenage behavior, Lexi finally having a guy be interested in her, it’s all stuff she should want for her friend.

But she doesn’t feel supportive. She feels borderline ill. It only takes a few seconds for her to push her way through the crowd and slide in between her friend and Mr. Handsy. She grabs Lexi’s arm and drags her towards the front door without a word.

Once Rue reaches the front yard, she lets go of the other girl and turns to face her. At least no one else is out here.

Lexi’s got darker makeup on than what Rue is used to. While she’s visibly a little out of sorts, she doesn’t look like she’s completely gone.

“What the fuck, Rue?” she slurs a bit, breaking the silence.

Rue cuts to the chase, “What are you doing? What did you take tonight?”

Lexi scoffs, “Why do you care?”

“That shit can mess you up. You and I know that more than anybody.”

Lexi shrugs, “Doesn’t seem to stop you.”

Rue can’t argue there.

“This isn’t you, Lexi. You’re different,” she pleads.

“Right, I forgot, I’m just the lame, doormat friend to you,” the shorter girl replies as her eyes glaze over a bit more.

“That’s not what I meant,” Rue lets out a breath, “I just, I care about you.”

Lexi gives her a look before letting out a laugh, “Now you care about me? Wow.”

Rue flinches a bit. She knows she hasn’t been the best friend for obvious reasons. And yes, Rue was an asshole the other day and never apologized. But beyond that, she thought that they had been doing better lately. She thought that at the end of the day, Lexi still knew that she was the person Rue trusted more than anyone.

“Look, I’m sorry about the other day,” Rue tries.

Lexi isn’t having any of it.

“You’re so full of shit. Do you know how many times I’ve heard that?”

Rue doesn’t have a good answer because she’s lost count of the amount of times she’s had to apologize to the other girl.

Lexi continues, “Do you know how sad it is that you only decide to pay attention to me if I do something that _you_ don’t like?”

Rue swallows, “I know I’ve been a little caught up with Jules, but I-”

Lexi doesn’t even let her finish before she turns and stumbles back into the house. Rue can’t even bring herself to stop her. She’s clearly fucked up this relationship too. Maybe it would have been better for everyone if Rue had never woken up after she overdosed.

A random burst of memories of growing up with Lexi flash through her mind.

She needs to get out of here.

Rue heads back inside though, this time looking for Cassie. She finds her after a few minutes.

“Hey, look, um,” Rue starts, “You’re going to keep an eye on Lexi right? She took something.”

Cassie doesn’t seem surprised by the statement so she must have known.

“Yeah. She’s fine. I’ll get her home.”

Cassie’s being unusually short, so Rue figures that she’s mad at her too by extension.

“Okay, good,” Rue mutters, “Just like, check on her tonight, you know? Just in case.”

“I will,” Cassie replies with a sad smile, so she must sense that Rue is super anxious about the situation, “I promise.”

Rue moves to leave, but turns back one more time, “She, um, she really hates me, doesn’t she?”

Cassie sighs, looking at Rue as if she is debating actually saying what she says next, “I think you and I both know it’s actually the opposite.”

Rue doesn’t really know what to do with that right now, so she gives Cassie a quick nod and heads for the door.

On her way out, she catches sight of Lexi dancing with the same random guy from before and she feels something in her gut that she hasn’t felt in a long time. It’s the same feeling she had years ago when Tucker Blake was a thing. It’s not as sharp and immediate as the jealousy she felt over Nate and Jules, or even Anna and Jules. It’s more of a dull ache that’s been there the entire time, waiting to resurface.

It’s still jealousy though, no matter what she wants to tell herself.

Rue ends her night alone in her room, drug-free, wondering how she’s managed to fuck up so much in her life.

* * *

It’s day six of being sober and Rue starts to think maybe she should try to keep this up again. Not for Jules, because whatever, screw her. But for herself. Just to see if she can do it. Maybe she could redeem herself one day. Maybe she could even lead a boring but halfway normal life.

It’s crazy. She was so fixated on Jules, but now after coming to terms with the fact that the other girl didn’t even bother to send her a text, she finds it easier to cut her off than she thought it would be. She wonders what that says about her actual feelings.

Rue still has some time before her NA meeting, so she figures that she should probably apologize to Lexi for last night. Granted, Rue thinks she was justified to be worried about her, but clearly there are still underlying dynamics at play.

_Are you home?_

Rue’s first text goes unanswered for several minutes, so she sends a follow-up.

_I just wanted to stop by for a minute to apologize._

The reply is almost immediate this time.

_“Yeah. I’m here.”_

By the time Rue hops on her bike and makes it to the Howard residence, Lexi is already sitting outside on the curb. Rue lays her bike down in the grass and sits beside her.

“Hey,” Rue starts.

“Hi,” Lexi responds icily, not looking over at all.

Rue assumes she should jump right into it.

“Look, I know that this is the millionth apology you’ve had to hear from me, so it probably won’t even mean anything to you. But I really am sorry about the morning after winter formal. And I’m sorry I went all crazy parent on you last night. It’s your decision if you want to party or whatever. It just worried me. But I shouldn’t have pulled you outside like that.”

Lexi’s nodding a bit, but she doesn’t say anything. She has her knees pulled up tight to her chest.

“I really do care about you,” Rue continues, “You _are_ my best friend. And I get that I have done a shitty job of showing that lately. I’ve been so caught up in my own bullshit, I’ve totally ignored you. So, I want you to know that I’m here for you. Whatever you need. Whenever you need it. I want to make it up to you. Even if that means you don’t want to see me again.”

Rue stops talking and lets Lexi mull it over for a minute.

“Okay,” Lexi says eventually, “All I’ve ever wanted is for you to just be there, Rue. And for you to take care of yourself.”

God, Rue has to be the worst person on the planet to be so horrible to someone as thoughtful and caring at the girl sitting next to her.

“I know,” Rue replies, “I won’t drone on about myself all the time. I want to hear what’s going on in your world.”

Lexi looks skeptical still, “What about Jules?”

“It’s done. There’s nothing for me to talk your ear off about.”

Lexi looks deep in thought, contemplating, “I guess we’ll see how it goes then.”

It’s a fair reply considering isn’t the first time that Rue’s had to apologize like this, and she can’t even be sure it will be the last.

“Okay,” Rue replies, checking her watch, “Hey, I don’t mean to bail but I have an NA meeting.”

Lexi actually looks a bit surprised, “You’re still going?”

“Yeah,” Rue says as she stands up, grabbing her bike, “I’m not making any promises but I want to try. For myself this time.”

Lexi stands up too, “Good. That’s good.”

Rue shrugs, “Well, um, text me later? I mean, if you want.”

Lexi nods. Rue turns to head off when her friend speaks up again.

“I, uh, I’m going to stick with alcohol in the future. Just so you know. Wasn’t really my thing,” Lexi says, “It was stupid.”

Rue wonders if relief is written all over her face, “Glad to hear it, Howard.”

Lexi gives her a small wave before turning to head back inside her house.

Rue takes off down the street. She wonders if she should have asked Lexi if anything happened with the guy from last night. But she’s not sure that she wants to know the answer anyways.

* * *

Lexi texts Rue the next day and asks her if she wants to grab food. They go to the diner and make it halfway through their meal before Lexi finally reveals what’s on her mind.

“So, I need some advice.”

Rue has a feeling that she’s going to absolutely hate where this conversation is going.

“About what?”

Lexi shifts in her seat, “I met this guy at the party the other night. His name’s Josh.”

Rue nods slowly, “Is he friends with Nate?”

“Uh, no.”

“Good,” Rue replies, “Continue.”

Lexi smiles a little bit, “Well, he texted me yesterday. We talked for a bit. Then this morning…he asked me if I wanted to go out next weekend.”

Rue stabs her food with her fork, hard. Lexi doesn’t seem to notice the timing.

“And?” Rue asks.

“I haven’t responded yet,” Lexi admits sheepishly.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know… what do you think I should do?” Lexi asks expectantly.

Rue senses that this is a test. To see if she really meant what she said about being there for Lexi, no matter what. She almost swears that Lexi is looking at her in a challenging way. But maybe she’s just projecting.

She wants to tell Lexi that she would be better off asking Cassie about boys. Rue’s experience is not only limited, but directly contributed to her realizing that she’s gay. So she’s probably not the best person to offer advice.

The other thought that comes to Rue’s mind is how much she wants to deck this ‘Josh’ in the face, which almost surprises her a little bit. Almost.

She has a weird urge to tell Lexi to delete his number and be done with it. But she can’t because.. _what the fuck_.

She owes Lexi. She owes her a lot. Even if it kills her inside.

“Well, I mean, do you like him?”

“I guess so. He’s cute,” Lexi offers with a shrug.

“So respond,” Rue tries to sound chipper, “Say yes.”

“But I was…more outgoing than usual that night. What if he doesn’t like me when I’m sober?”

Rue shakes her head, “You’re still you. Sure, you met at a party but he liked you.”

“I don’t know…” Lexi sighs, fidgeting with her hands.

Rue has always hated that the way Lexi grew up made her think that she wasn’t good enough. Just because Cassie always got attention first, doesn’t mean that Lexi isn’t worth any.

Again, ironic coming from the distant best friend who has totally ignored her for months on end. But beyond Rue’s obvious substance issues, there was always another reason why she distanced herself from Lexi. She’s just never wanted to admit it.

“Lex, I don’t know why the dudes at our school have slept on you for so long, but don’t overthink this,” Rue says, “You’re a catch. You’re honestly, like, the definition of girlfriend material. Just be yourself.”

Lexi must not have been expecting that because she looks up at Rue with an expression that’s hard to read. She doesn’t say anything else though.

“Text him,” Rue says, motioning towards her friend's phone.

Lexi picks it up. Rue’s suddenly lost her appetite, but feels like she played the part of the supportive friend pretty well, all things considered.

“Thanks, Rue,” Lexi smiles.

Rue shrugs, “It’s what I’m here for.”

When the waiter brings their check, Rue feels a strong need to pay for her friend’s meal. Call her competitive or whatever.

* * *

An hour before Josh is supposed to pick Lexi up, she asks Rue to come over and help her figure out what to wear. It kind of ruins Rue's plans for the night, which involve watching so much _Love Island_ that she momentarily forgets that anyone is out on a date during that time.

But, she’s a good friend now. So, she goes.

Lexi has clothes strewn all over her bed when Rue gets there. She takes a seat on the couch, ready to offer moral support as it’s needed.

“Isn’t this something you should have Cassie help with? I mean, look at my wardrobe,” Rue comments.

Lexi huffs, “Cassie would try to put me in something of hers. And you’re the one who said I should be myself.”

Fair point. Rue can imagine Cassie unintentionally making things worse in that situation. She wonders if it’s a coincidence that the other girl is MIA right now.

“I don’t know why you’re stressing. You always look cute,” Rue replies.

Lexi seems to freeze for a moment. Leave it to Rue to always say things that carry more weight than intended.

“Well,” Lexi mumbles after a minute, “Which one do you like me in best?”

If Rue didn’t already have a drug problem, this interaction could definitely have been the reason she started one. She swallows as she gets up and stands next to Lexi, reviewing the outfit options.

“Where’s he taking you?”

Lexi shifts closer, “We’re seeing a movie and then we might get food after. Nothing fancy.”

Rue nods, pointing to a casual dress after a moment, “Uh, I like that one. Plus, you can wear your jacket over it.”

“Okay,” Lexi agrees, meeting Rue’s gaze.

Rue’s not sure if there’s actually a weird tension in this moment or if she’s just so in her head about the whole _Lexi situation_ lately that she’s making it up. She breaks eye contact first and walks back over to the couch, sitting down again.

Lexi clears her throat, picking the outfit up off the bed. She heads to the other side of the room to change. Rue keeps her gaze glued to her phone the entire time.

“Alright, do I look okay?” Lexi asks after she’s gotten ready.

Rue looks up again, “Yeah, uh, you look…”

The rest of her words die in her throat, but she thinks she got the right sentiment across.

“He’s supposed to be here soon,” Lexi adds, checking her phone.

“Right. I’ll get out of here,” Rue replies, standing up, “Let me know how it goes?”

Lexi nods, “Thank you. For helping.”

The words _don’t go_ are on the tip of Rue’s tongue, but that’s not what comes out of her mouth.

“Have fun. And be safe.”

* * *

Rue gets a text close to midnight.

_“Just got home. He was super nice.. paid for everything and opened doors for me. He kissed me goodnight, so I assume I didn’t blow it.”_

Deciding that now was the time to attempt to stay clean seems like the worst possible timing Rue has ever had. She quickly types out a response.

_As he should. I’ll kick his ass for you if he steps out of line._

_“Haha. I’ll keep that in mind.”_

Rue fires off one more text before throwing her phone facedown on her nightstand.

_Glad you had a good time. I’m happy for you._

She isn’t able to go to sleep, so she starts another episode of Love Island on her laptop. When she finally looks at her phone again the next morning, she sees that Lexi responded.

_“Thank you. That means a lot to me.”_

Rue hopes it does, because it’s certainly killing her a little bit.

* * *

So Josh is officially Lexi’s boyfriend. Like, Rue could probably pull a muscle with all of the reaching that she will do to avoid calling him that, but it’s a fact.

Lexi seems happy though. She’s more relaxed and more social. So can Rue really be mad?

They don’t see each other as much anymore for obvious reasons, but they still talk pretty much every day. Rue’s gotten used to it. She’s finally gotten to the point that she knows that she rather feel like crap sometimes and have Lexi be happy than the other way around. The roles seemed to be reversed for far too long before.

Somehow, Rue has kept up with NA. Ali has been super helpful, meeting her whenever she has asked him to. She’s still sober. She has absolutely no idea how, to be honest. It’s nice though. She feels like things are getting back to normal when she spends time with her mom and Gia. It’s more rewarding than anything else.

* * *

Rue’s eating lunch with Kat. Except ‘eating lunch’ right now means that Rue is just moving the food on her plate back and forth with a fork while she sneaks glances at another table across the room.

Lexi’s sitting with Josh and some of his friends. They seem to be having a great time, laughing and cracking jokes. Rue doesn’t think her appetite will ever return.

“Is this how she felt when I was with Jules?” Rue wonders out loud.

Kat follows Rue’s gaze to the other table and looks impressed, “Wow. Took you long enough.”

“I know,” Rue sighs, “I fucked up.”

“You were going through a lot,” Kat offers.

“Still hurt her,” Rue mumbles, continuing to play with the food on her plate.

“So… you like her now?”

Rue narrows her gaze, “I think I’ve always liked her. Life just got in the way a little bit.”

Kat shoots her a look, “What about Jules?”

“She was a high. A fixation. I don’t know.”

The two continue to eat in silence for a few moments.

“You still deserve to be happy. You both do,” Kat adds.

Rue nods, “I don’t know if I do, but she does. That’s why I’m not saying anything.”

Kat gives her a sympathetic look and squeezes her shoulder, “It’ll be okay.”

Rue hopes so.

* * *

Lexi ends up walking home from school with Rue today. Rue rode her bike but she will gladly walk it back if it means that she gets to spend time with her friend.

They spend most of the walk talking about their classes and the usual gossip until Lexi decides to change the subject.

“So, how has NA been lately?”

“It’s been good,” Rue replies, “I think I’ve finally gotten used to going. Sometimes I almost look forward to it now.”

“Yeah?” Lexi’s face brightens.

Rue nods, “I think the new meds I’ve been on have been working well too, so that helps. My mom and Gia actually look at me like they used to sometimes.”

It’s nice to be able to talk to someone besides Ali about this stuff, even if it’s just for a minute.

“I’m proud of you,” Lexi adds with a smile.

“I genuinely can’t remember the last time someone said that to me,” Rue replies, which is a sad truth.

“Well, I am.”

“Thanks, Lex,” Rue shrugs, “You know, I’ve even thought about maybe applying to some schools next year. Nothing too far, I don’t know that my mom would even go for me living on campus at first but…”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Gotta start thinking about the future, right?”

Lexi beams, “We’ll have to compare our school lists sometime.”

Rue nods even though she has a feeling that Lexi’s going to be aiming a bit higher than her.

They reach the Howard house first, so Rue slows her pace, preparing to say goodbye.

“Do you wanna come in? Do some homework… stay for dinner?” Lexi asks suddenly.

Rue smiles, “Yeah, sure, let me just text my mom.”

* * *

Lexi’s been hanging around more. Rue feels like she has seen her more in the past two weeks than the past two months. She isn’t complaining, she just finds it interesting.

* * *

Cassie sits down at Rue’s table during study hall for the first time in awhile. It’s not that she hasn’t been talking to her, but ever since winter break, Cassie has definitely been more reserved around Rue. Rue can’t blame her for playing the protective sister card though.

“Sup, Cass.”

“Long time no talk,” Cassie smiles.

“I know,” Rue continues, “How have you been?”

“Good. I just can’t believe that I’m about to graduate in a month,” Cassie makes a face.

“It’s going to be so weird without you and Maddy next year,” Rue agrees.

“Well, you can visit us at school. You can come up with Lex.”

“Yeah, that would be fun,” Rue nods excitedly as she continues to casually look down at her homework.

Cassie watches her for a moment before speaking again.

“You and Lexi seem really good.”

Rue shrugs, “It’s amazing what me not being an asshole can do for a friendship.”

“You being there for her has meant a lot. Especially with this whole Josh thing,” Cassie says carefully, “I know it’s probably not easy on you.”

Rue squints, “Why would you say that?”

“Just an observation.”

Rue swallows, “I just want her to be happy.”

“I know. We have that in common,” Cassie continues, “Look, you didn’t hear it from me, but, I don’t think that Josh is going to be around much longer.”

“How come?” Rue asks, confused.

Cassie shoots Rue an obvious look, “Lexi’s only been in love once.”

Rue is officially confused.

“Cass, I have no fucking idea what you’re trying to say right now.”

Cassie huffs, rolling her eyes a bit, “You have one year of high school left, Rue. After that, it's college and the real world. If you want to shoot your shot, you’re probably going to get one more chance. But that’s it.”

Rue debates playing the denial card but she knows Cassie would see right through it. After all, she’s known Rue just as long as Lexi has.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because no one else will,” Cassie says simply.

* * *

So, Lexi and Josh do break up. Rue only hears about it through the grapevine though, which is kind of odd. Normally Lexi tells her everything first.

She doesn’t quite know how to take that.

* * *

Rue’s sprawled out on the couch in Lexi’s room, while her friend is on her bed, laying on her stomach. Lexi’s trying to do homework but Rue is successfully distracting her for the most part.

“So, how are you doing?” Rue says, “Like, with the whole whatshisname thing?”

“Rue. You know his name is Josh.”

“Yeah. Him,” Rue smirks a little bit.

Lexi rolls her eyes but keeps smiling, “Honestly, I’m good. I’m kind of relieved it’s over.”

“I thought you liked him?”

“He was just… uncomplicated. But he wasn’t very interesting.”

Rue chuckles, “Then why did you even hang out with him?”

Lexi shrugs a bit, “He was straightforward. Most boys are. You can tell if they like you. It’s easy.”

Rue wonders if she’s supposed to read between the lines of that statement or not. She can’t tell if the unspoken sentiment is one that Lexi is actually trying to convey, or something Rue is projecting onto her, again.

“Doesn’t sound very romantic.”

“I guess not. But I don’t know much else. Beyond him, the only other person to ever ask me out was Tucker Blake.”

“Fucking Tucker Blake,” Rue laughs, “God, I hated him.”

“You like, never even talked to him,” Lexi replies with a smile.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t need to. I was still jealous of him.”

Rue probably shouldn’t have said that.

“What?” Lexi says, clearly surprised as her voice raises an octave, “Why?”

Rue shrugs, “He got to take you to freshman formal.”

It’s a simple answer but it completely halts the conversation. Lexi looks deep in thought, eyebrows furrowed, trying to make sense of what Rue has just dropped. Rue doesn’t know what else to say, so she returns her gaze to the ceiling, wondering how long she should wait for a reply before she should probably just leave.

Lexi’s super quiet when she finally speaks again, “You could have asked me, you know.”

Rue swallows, “I didn’t really think that was an option back then.”

Even if she thought Lexi wouldn’t have ran for the hills, Rue doubts she would have had the guts anyways. Freshman year feels like a lifetime ago.

“Yeah,” Lexi nods, “I guess you’re right.”

* * *

Rue knows that she didn’t exactly profess her undying love for Lexi the other night, but she felt like her comment was still a substantial confession. But nothing seems to have changed between them. They haven’t talked about it again. The rest of the night had been a little awkward until Rue left, but the next day it was almost as if she hadn’t said anything.

It’s kind of disappointing. Rue’s starting to think she definitely missed her window. It sucks.

* * *

Rue’s late to lunch today but she sees that pretty much everyone else has made an appearance at her usual table. Cassie, Maddy, Kat, Lexi, and even BB are chatting excitedly. Rue sits down, eager to find out what the topic of conversation is.

“Well, I’m definitely not getting asked,” Lexi says as Rue sits down.

“You did pick, like, the worst time to dump someone,” Maddy adds.

Lexi shrugs.

“What are we talking about?” Rue asks.

“Prom,” Cassie chimes in, “Are you gonna go?”

“No way,” Rue shakes her head. She swears she sees a frown appear on Lexi’s face.

“What? But it’s Prom,” Kat exclaims.

“It’s just Junior Prom for me, I can always go next year,” Rue says, taking a bite of her apple, “Plus, I think dances are cursed for me.”

“Good point,” Maddy agrees, even though the rest of the table shoots her a look.

“Are you all going?” Rue asks, gesturing across the table.

Everyone collectively nods.

“We just need to find Lexi a date,” BB adds.

Rue swears that Cassie and Kat both shoot her the same knowing look.

“I’ll just seventh wheel or whatever,” Lexi mumbles, “Story of my life.”

She looks legitimately bummed, which of course makes Rue want to do something about it.

Maybe going wouldn’t be _so_ bad.

* * *

Rue finishes lighting the last of many candles which spell out ‘PROM?’ in the Howard’s front yard, right under Lexi’s window. Somehow, she conned Cassie into helping her and they managed to be quiet enough. Lexi hasn’t looked outside once.

“This is so fucking cheesy,” Rue mutters, “What am I doing?”

“Shut up,” Cassie whispers, “We haven’t lit the yard on fire yet, so you’re going through with this.”

“This is a dumb idea. I should have come up with something better,” Rue laments.

She knows that no matter how you ask someone to a high school dance, it’s bound to be corny. But she suddenly feels really inadequate.

“Rue,” Cassie shoves a bouquet of flowers into her hands, “She’s been waiting for you to do something like this for years. Shut up.”

“Okay,” Rue’s heart is about to beat out of her chest, “Alright, I’m ready.”

“I’ll throw a few rocks up there, then I’m running back inside,” Cassie adds, “Don’t fuck this up.”

Rue shoots her a sarcastic smile and watches as Cassie launches a handful of rocks at Lexi’s window. Several of them hit their target, making noise that someone would definitely want to investigate. Rue looks back over but Cassie has already disappeared.

She can see her friend’s shadow in the window and eventually hears her slide it open.

“Rue?” Lexi calls out, “What are you doing?”

Rue can see the look on Lexi’s face change at the exact moment when she registers what the candles spell out.

“I’m asking you this time,” Rue shouts confidently. At least, as confident as she can be in this moment.

No turning back.

“Are you serious?” Lexi replies, and Rue honestly can’t tell if its a good comment or a bad one.

Rue doesn’t even get the chance to respond before Lexi has disappeared from the window. Rue’s heart drops a bit. She knew the candles were stupid. Cassie appears in the window a moment later. Rue throws her hands up, as if to ask where her sister went, but Cassie just shrugs in response.

“Great,” Rue mutters.

The front door opens a second later and Lexi emerges, walking towards Rue.

“If you catch the yard on fire, my mom will kill you.”

“Yeah, so I’ve heard,” Rue replies.

She awkwardly holds the flowers out in Lexi’s direction. The shorter girl takes them, which has to be a good sign right?

“Did you do all this just so you could say you outdid Tucker?” Lexi asks skeptically, but Rue detects a hint of playfulness in her voice.

Rue makes a face, “I mean, he asked you to a dance on a post it note. I think anything would have been better.”

Lexi shoots her a look, but she’s clearly amused.

“But no,” Rue continues, “I just… wanted to ask you. I don’t know. I wanted you to know I’m serious.”

Lexi’s face softens for a moment before her eyes narrow again, “You’re asking me to be your date, right? This isn’t some bizarre way to say we should go as friends?”

“Uh no,” Rue says, mildly confused, “Definitely asking you in a gay way.”

“Good,” Lexi replies.

With that, the shorter girl walks right up to Rue and kisses her.

Rue had imagined what Lexi’s response would be a dozen times, but she didn’t expect her to just go for it like this. Not that she’s complaining.

Rue hears Cassie shout “Finally!” from the open window. Lexi flips her off without breaking away from Rue.

Rue takes a moment to lean back, “So, is that a yes?”

Lexi just nods and kisses her again.

So maybe this year isn't entirely awful for Rue.

* * *

After spending a week stressing out about what to wear, Rue pulls out the tux she wore on Halloween and decides that it’ll work. It mean, it is Prom. She decides to wear her hair down, but her Converse stay in the equation.

“Gia!” Rue yells, waiting for her sister to enter her room.

Gia opens the door and peaks around the corner, “What?”

“How do I look?”

Rue stands awkwardly, waiting for a response.

“It’s very you,” Gia replies.

“As in I look okay, or like, if I leave the house right now I will never live it down?”

“You look good, Rue,” Gia laughs, “It’s better than whatever you wore to winter formal.”

Rue certainly feels more comfortable in this outfit, but winter formal also feels like ten years ago at this point. So much has changed.

“Thank you,” Rue says, pulling her sister into a hug.

“I can’t believe you and Lexi finally got together,” Gia smirks, “I thought you’d never figure it out.”

Rue rolls her eyes, “Yeah, well, maybe it was supposed to be this way. If it had happened earlier, I would have fucked it up.”

“Rue, language!” her mom comments, appearing in the doorway, “Come on, we need to head over to the Howard’s for pictures.”

Rue sighs and heads out of her room, following Gia. On her way out the door, she grabs the white corsage she got for Lexi off of the counter. Yeah, she decided to be that cliche. She doesn’t want to disappoint the other girl.

* * *

As Rue and her family walk up the driveway, she sees that pretty much everyone else is already here. Kat and Ethan are taking photos together, Maddy is hanging off of some guy that Rue has genuinely never seen before in her life, and Cassie is adjusting her date’s tie. Parents and family members are scattered amongst them.

Mrs. Howard appears and ushers Rue towards the house, “Lexi’s inside, go get her will you?”

“Uh, sure thing.”

“Oh and Rue,” the older woman continues, “You better not break her heart.”

She cracks a knowing smile immediately after, sparing Rue a mild panic attack.

Rue offers her a thumbs up before heading inside.

“Lexi?” Rue calls out as she shuts the front door.

“Hey,” Lexi’s voice comes from the top of the stairs.

Lexi looks a lot like how she did at winter formal, but somehow even better. Rue’s still not sure she deserves her, but she’s really fucking glad she has her. Lexi heads down the steps, meeting Rue at the bottom.

“You, uh, you look… wow.”

“You always did have a way with words,” Lexi teases, but she blushes regardless.

Rue’s always been better with actions, so she steps forward and kisses her. It only lasts a few seconds, but it seems to put them both at ease.

After Rue pulls away, she holds up box containing the corsage, “I got you something.”

“Pulling out all the stops, huh?” Lexi replies.

Rue shrugs, then gently slides the flower onto the other girl’s wrist, “Do you like it?”

Lexi nods, shooting her a look, “By the way, you don’t look so bad yourself.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Last time I saw you in this, I kind of wanted to throw myself at you,” the shorter girl adds, playing with the lapel of Rue’s jacket.

“Really? Well, I don’t think I could turn down Bob Ross,” Rue jokes.

Lexi laughs, grabbing Rue’s arm, “Come on. Let’s go take pictures.”

* * *

By the time the group enters the dance, it seems like the rest of the school has already shown up. Rue ditched her bowtie the second they were done with photos but she’s still wearing her jacket. Lexi holds onto her arm as they walk in. It’s like a grounding force for Rue.

“So, uh, how much dancing did you intend on doing tonight?” Rue asks, scanning the room.

“Honestly,” Lexi replies with a look of uncertainty, “Not much.”

“Howard, I think we really are soulmates.”

Lexi smiles and squeezes Rue’s arm gently in response before pulling her over to an open table.

The best part about Lexi has always been the fact that Rue can sit in a corner with her doing absolutely nothing and still have a great time. They’re having fun. Lexi moves her chair as close to Rue as possible and Rue’s hand rests on the other girl’s leg for most of the night. Their friends come and go from the table, jumping in and out of the conversation seamlessly. For the first time in her life, Rue feels like a normal teenager.

As the night starts to wind down, another slow song eventually comes on. As much as Rue hates dancing, she knows that it’s probably time to get up. She stands and removes her jacket. Lexi looks up at her with a confused look, but Rue holds her hand out and nods towards the dance floor. The shorter girl’s face lights up.

Rue never thought she would be into slow dancing, but she thinks she could stand here swaying with Lexi forever.


End file.
